“Excuse me, is it hot in here or is it just you?” Okay, you say. I know a worn-out line when I hear it. How about this one to a texting stranger: “Excuse me, if you were texting me, I didn’t get the message.”
I actually said this spontaneously to someone I thought was a stranger because I could not even see her face due to her leaning forward with glistening black hair covering her entire face! I was taking a real risk as I NEVER flirted with someone whose face I did not see. The lady looked up almost startled and said in a surprise, Oh, hi Wayne! How have you been?” Turned out that I knew this woman and had not seen her in several months. She thought I had recognized her to initiate conversation and to his day I told her no different. The truth is that I took a risk that evening to flirt outside of my normal comfort zone. I believed that I felt an irresistible attraction at that time.
What is chemistry to you? Some will say it’s a feeling I have in my gut. Or it’s the “Vibes” I get from them. Others will describe a pounding heart, a fluttering heart or one that misses a beat! Still others will sing, “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” (The Four Seasons), “Call Me” (Blondie) or “Call Me Maybe” (Carly Rae Jepsen). “You had me at hello” said the enthralled Renee Zellweger to Jerry McGuire (in the movie Jerry McGuiure).
Those less visual and less feeling oriented persons look for the behavioral cues to say, he/she looked directly into my eyes and saw my soul. She touched my arm for “3 Mississippi’s” (football talk for 3 seconds) while she spoke and almost massaged me with body touches in the first 5 minutes! I felt less frisked by a police officer at the airplane terminal! Others might say, she entertained me with her humor, flattered me with compliments and impressed me with her intellectual views. All have merit. Do they not?
What really says it emphatically is, “It was love at first sight!” Or was that at first bite…first fight? Is this chemistry sometimes masked by words, often unconscious or involve factors under the surface? One does not have to be a Gynecologist to say there is a hormonal factor of estrogen or testosterone at play (No Freudian slip here or pun intended). Now the brainy types are asking, what about those sex pheromones I give off through perspiration that are detected by the nose, brain and nervous system? Am I exercising, taking zinc supplements and soap-less hot baths for nothing? And what about the pheromones in my expensive cologne that I baptized myself with before leaving the house?
There’s no doubt that the life of the entire body and brain comes from the chemistry of the blood. Even the Bible stated that fact thousands of years before microscopes and microbiology (Leviticus 17:11)! Our brains function and communicate through molecules called neurotransmitters. So the mystery is that, “Beneath every thought, dream or action lies a remarkable chemical dance (https://bigpictureeducation.com).” Is attraction to others clearer to you now or more complicated? Can I send out some positive brain waves-as a message to someone? The song “Radar Love” (Golden Earring) comes to mind: “…She sends a message coming in from above-don’t need a letter at all! She got a thing that’s called-Radar Love!”
Just when I thought I thought I might have a handle on it, Ka-Boom! My mind was blown by new research that the heart has a small nucleus of neurons that stores visual memory of strong experiences (good and bad) as a small brain. When the Bible speaks of a person’s treasures (priorities) flowing from the heart, it is more than poetic. It is scientifically speaking. We know through research that the heart continually shares stored memory cues with the brain as a person is introduced to new situations and new people. These communication cues (4 types*) are more than biochemical. They are also in the form of electromagnetic (EM) waves similar to those the large brain in our head emits and “can affect performance” (www.heartmath.org). Furthermore, the heart’s EM field is much stronger than that of the large brain and can be sensed by the other person with whom we are talking. We naturally exchange electromagnetic field interaction with the heart and brains of others as they approach us up to 6 feet away! Wow! Perhaps this explains the “intuition” factor that women often refer to when they sense from the heart (or gut) that “things are not right”. This feeling is a reminder or warning that negatives (or red flags as some say) exist and we should explore further to allay the feelings.
Now, I ask, do you believe we are comprised of mind, body, and spirit/soul? There is also the spiritual factor of chemistry that comes into play in attraction and compatibility. If everything in your new relationship is clicking on all cylinders (race car term because no doubt you are probably racing into this relationship, ha-ha), how do you both line up spiritually?
Okay, I went too far for some of you. You just went on your first date in over a year and the person is employed, financially stable, no medical or mental health issues, no prison record (you know of), educated, no addictions, no anger issues and loves his/her parents. Now I must spoil it with the question, are you equally joined in spiritual values and growth? 2 Corinthians 6:14 of the Bible asks us to “…not be unequally joined with unbelievers…” implying that we marry wisely so that we can uphold the greatest commandments of serving God and neighbor as ourselves. In John chapter 3 of the Bible Jesus explains that we must be born spiritually to understand and discern spiritual things. 1 Corinthians chapter 12 further explains that one of the 9 gifts of the Holy Spirit are that of “discernment” of spirits and spiritual things. We can all justify our decisions with some degree of natural logic and rationalization, but we are to “not be anxious about anything, but in every situation by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God (Philippians 4:6).”
King David in the Bible felt some real physical chemistry with Bathsheba when he saw her naked taking a bath on her own rooftop. His history of great deeds before the people were overshadowed by his adultery with her and sending her husband into a battle he would not survive. We can choose with our own authority to behave unwisely, but the consequences are inevitable as we reap what we sow (Galatians 6:7). David lost the respect of the people, lost his first-born son, had his kingdom divided and faced unrest with war until his death.
Devout Christians who knowingly marry a non-Christian most often face a stressed filled life. Spiritual chemistry is sometimes overlooked or minimized by the more dominant (though less important) hormonal chemistry connection or a need to settle for security and wealth! Then there is also that “monkey wrench” God threw in the Bible where we are supposed to believe that “The steps of a good person are ordered by the Lord” (Psalm 37:23) and the example of Jacob meeting his future wife at the well (Genesis 29) as a providential example for those of us to pray for the best mate and be patient as well as discerning to recognize him/her.
Okay, enough said! Bugles Sound! Let the dating begin! Time for courting rituals: Face Book flirting, virtual communication via Internet, texting and some “old school face to face meeting time”! It is, however, better to be single and wish you were married than to be married and wish you were single (www.pinterest.com).
*The heart communicates with the brain and body 4 ways: 1. Neurologically (Nervous system), 2. Biochemically (Hormones), 3. Biophysically (Pulse waves) and 4. Energetically (Electromagnetic fields). (www.heartmath.org).